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voice
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2021-10-15
A muffled voice
My six-year-old son often forgets he’s wearing a mask. We’ll leave his school, the grocery store, anywhere really, and he’ll spend the entire car ride home with his mask still on. He’s even tried to eat with it on a few times! I can always hear when he’s forgotten to take it off because it muffles his voice. He talks constantly, I like to say that he actually voices his internal monologue, so I can tell exactly when he takes his mask off even if I can’t see him. When I hear that he’s still wearing his mask, I often think about the instability of being a child (and raising a child) during a global pandemic. His life and his routines have changed so frequently in the past year and a half, but he has been incredibly adaptive and understanding the entire time. Hearing his muffled little voice always makes me appreciate this awesome kid of mine while also making me really consider these chaotic times we’re living in. -
2020-03-20
The Signal of Approaching Silence
On Friday, March 20, 2020, I was grocery shopping at Hy-Vee in Canton, Illinois when my mobile phone pinged with an alert from a local news app: the Illinois governor had officially issued a stay-at-home order to prevent the spread of Covid-19. Rumors of the impending order had been circulating for the past few days. I teach English at Canton High School, and we were scheduled to start a week of Spring Break that Friday. That morning the principal had cautioned us to take home our computers and any teaching materials that we might need, just in case we did not return to school after Break. So, the text message confirmed a stark reality. Talk of the stay-at-home order overtook the conversations of shoppers around me. People were speculating about what would come next, now that schools and businesses would be closed. I remember passing the meat counter where I overheard the department manager taking a phone call from a gentleman who wanted to place an apocalypse-sized order of beef. This is it, I thought to myself, trying to figure out what kind of groceries to buy that would sustain my family over for an indefinite period of time, because even though the stay-at-home order was for just two weeks, I had a sinking suspicion we were not going to best Covid-19 in two weeks’ time. I began pushing my cart up and down the aisles faster, a little more frantically, in response to a burgeoning awareness that the virus could already be circulating within our community. Looking back now, I see that we were somewhat cocooned in Fulton County, Illinois, a mostly rural county. The health department announced the first positive case on April 10; the first death occurred on October 21. The virus was slow to take a foothold, but eventually it did. In late July, our school district’s board unanimously voted to start the school year fully remote. Each school day, teachers reported to ghost-town school buildings and holed up in their empty classrooms, with admonitions from administrators not to co-mingle with each other. During that time, I dutifully logged onto Google Meets for each class period, where various avatars greeted me because students were not required to turn on their cameras, so none did. Sometimes I got to hear tinny student voices, which sounded a lot further away than across town, and I wondered if each voice matched the person I pictured in my mind’s eye. I had never met the majority of my students in person, and the photographs on our school’s student management system had not been updated since the fall of 2019. I remember the frustration I struggled to keep capped when I would call on students and be met with silence. Were they even sitting by the computer? Were they afraid to say something in front of their classmates, lest they look stupid? Were they just willfully ignoring me? Were they okay, physically and mentally? I pulled more words out of students through written assignments and chat boxes than through Google Meets. Although part of the student body returned to in-person school in January of 2021 while the rest remained remote by choice (we taught both groups concurrently), it was still difficult to get students to speak, even to each other. Sadly, many of our students had become so accustomed to the idea of school as a radio broadcast—one from which they could easily disengage if they so wished—that they no longer felt it necessary to contribute their voices. In Illinois, we’ve been told that all students will return to in-person learning in the fall of 2021, with few exceptions, but I fear the virus has done irrevocable damage to our students’ speech. -
2020-10-28
Pierogis and Kielbasa: Sound and Smell During COVID-19
Before the pandemic and the subsequent lockdowns began, hearing or seeing a loved one seemed almost a certainty. Although I worried for the safety of all my friends and family, I was most concerned with the well-being of my aging, immunocompromised grandmother. As a daughter of Eastern European immigrants, she was accustomed to eating ethnic Polish food. Throughout my childhood, she would kindly make pierogis and kielbasa sausage for me and my sister. The savory aroma of pierogis and kielbasa sausage cooking in sauerkraut inundated the senses. With the onset of the pandemic, however, my life, as with so many others, changed. Unfortunately, my grandmother is not accustomed to using video-chat services; however, hearing her voice over the phone or social-distancing on her porch allowed me to maintain contact, hear her voice, and smell the wonderful aroma of the food she always made for me as a child. Although momentary, the loss of hearing my grandmother’s voice as well as her delicious food made me realize how important it is to cherish the connections you have with your loved ones. During a time of uncertainty, tragedy, and disconnection, a loved one’s voice (as well as the food they make) can provide an emotional uplift. -
2021-03-26
Letter to the World
Dear post-covid world, I dream for people to take science more seriously. I dream for school to realize the pain it gives some people. I dream that the “rulers” of the school have learned that they aren’t better than others. I dream that the teaching of racism dies. I dream that women get equal pay. I dream that people can learn to love mother nature. I dream that people will smile more. I dream that adults would stop acting like babies. I dream that we can trust one another again. I dream that I can go back to the childhood I used to know. The childhood that didn’t care about a thing in the world. The childhood that didn’t have to see and learn the cruelty of the real world. I dream that at least one person reads my letter. I dream that all of this will come true. I know it won’t. But a kid can only dream. Sincerely, One voice -
2020-04-16
A local editorial to the paper suggesting a solution to the pandemic
An ex-local resident suggests that there may be another cause for the pandemic in an editorial to the Crawford County Independent and Kickapoo Scout. -
2020-04-24
#26: Silenced
The title of this image specifically refers to the mask-ridden culture we are currently liviing in to contain the virus. It also refers to the 'silencing' of one's human/personal interactions, one's voice; one's community. In this isolation, the individual's pain and suffering become evident - not just for live's lost, people sickened, but loss of the 'normal'. www.niloumakes.com @niloumooch