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  04/07/2020

  My COVID-19 Story

  My name is Christian Weisse, it is Tuesday, April 7th, 2020 at 2:00 am, and I have been in self-quarantine for the last three weeks. I am writing this from my bedroom in the early morning because I can’t sleep. I haven’t been able to sleep for the last few weeks due to my anxiety surrounding COVID-19. I stay up worrying: worrying about my mom, worrying about my dad, worrying about my family, worrying. The only other time I have experienced anxiety was during loss or trauma. Even though this pandemic has not caused physical loss to me directly, COVID-19 has created mental and spiritual decay, traumatic dreaming when I am able to sleep, and constant emotional distress. My mom is a nurse working in a local hospital. She has been in the field for over thirty years. There have been other health crises prior to COVID-19, but she has never seen anything like this before. My father is a police officer at a local college. Growing up, it was certainly difficult to see my parents go through their experiences as first responders. There were times when Christmas was with Nana and Papa because Mom and Dad had to work on Christmas Eve, times where Dad missed my concert for chorus because he needed to work overtime during a crisis, and times when Mom couldn’t get me off the bus because she was home sleeping after a 12-hour shift the night before. As a kid, I knew we had to make sacrifices so that my parents could save lives. As an adult, I never saw this coming. Every day, I see my parents leave for work as one person and return as someone different. This virus has mentally and emotionally drained my parents each day. Nothing is more difficult in this world then to see your parent’s stress and not be able to help them. I feel helpless. I feel empty. We are a family-centric house and faith-based as well. We need to get back into our routine as a family. We miss going to mass every Sunday. This week is Holy Week and we won’t be able to attend Easter services. This virus needs to leave. I need my parents back. I have always tended to be the pessimist in the room. However, this pandemic has taught me to be optimistic and to slow down in life. I am taking one day at a time. That is all I can handle at this moment and time. My new discovery of optimism has me conducting “The 5 Things Countdown.” To help me calm my anxiety and to stay positive each day, I tell myself 5 things I can see, 4 things I can feel, 3 things I can hear, 2 things I can smell, and 1 thing I can taste. I do this whenever I feel my anxiety rising. When my parents come home from work, I see my Mom, my Dad, my sister, my dog, and the couch. When my mom tells us about the stress of work, I feel the floor beneath my feet, me trying to slow down my breathing, the vibrations of laundry from across the hallway, and my scarf around my neck. When my parents leave for work, I hear the dog barking across the street, the birds chirping, and the newscasters on the television. When my parents talk about COVID-19, I smell the chicken my sister is roasting in the oven, and the candle in my room. Whenever I lay awake at night worrying about my family, I taste the mint from an icebreaker I had. This situation is local, state-wide, national, and across the globe. I can’t go out there and fight the virus myself to make my anxiety go away. However, I take each day at a time. I focus on the blessings I have that I take for granted. I am blessed to have both of my parents, alive, healthy, and around. I have a roof over my head and food to eat. I have schoolwork to focus my time and energy on. I have my sister to talk to. I have my dog for comfort. I have friends and family checking in. I have things to be grateful for. I just need to stop, breathe, use “The 5 Things Countdown,” and take one day at a time. To all of the first responders, healthcare professionals, and folks who are helping during this pandemic, thank you. They are the true superheroes and my Mom and Dad are my superheroes. UPDATE 4/21/2020- This past week has been one of heightened anxiety, stress, and emotion. My family learned that my mother was moved from the clinic side where her permanent job was and “deployed” to the hospital side. The hospital uses the term “deployed” and it carries multiple meanings. For my Mom, it symbolizes going off to war; no say, no choice, follow the order. For me, it creates a drastic increase in anxiety. She was told that they will put her in a COVID unit. Currently, we are still waiting to see if they will since she is on a clean unit for now. At first, she was going to self-isolate in our home so that she would not get my Dad sick, who is at high risk. However, we saw other households doing showers before leaving for work, and as soon as healthcare workers came home from work. We decided to try this before taking the drastic measure. I feel helpless and sad. I know my Mom is strong, smart, and capable of doing the job, but I worry each day about her. I can’t focus on my school work. I can’t focus on my laundry. I have never felt this much anxiety. “The 5 Things Countdown” is helping temporarily, but I just need this pandemic to be over. I see the anti-lockdown protests in Virginia, Michigan, and other states. It doesn’t sadden me...it pisses me off how people can be so arrogant, ignorant, and pathetic. They’re protesting for their right to get a haircut while my mother is being “deployed” to in-patient units and possibly a COVID unit?! I have some words for those people, not very nice words. However, I don’t want to give them the power of attention. Let them complain all they want. My Mom and my family are the epicenters of my world right now. I know this pandemic will be over eventually. I just have to keep my faith, continue to do “The 5 Things Countdown,” and try to focus on what I can control. My school work, my laundry, me.